Hello ! Hayley here !
I love this song, and wanted to write something to it, so please do listen as you read, and yes, the title of the OS is the famous quote from Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, a book that I really love (esp because I am from Afghanistan too!)
Don't forget to leave a like and comment, it means so much more than you think!
OS For You, A Thousand Times Over
A handful of coloured powder blurred her immediate vision, painting it a vibrant purple and yellow as she sifted her way through the littered track of bodies in the garden.
The sun was low in the sky, throwing out dull tracks of light in neverending paths through the horizon. It turned what would have been a dark grey sky into a hazy yellow one, catching the colours of sand that people were throwing out in celebration of Holi with a hue that was strangely eerie and silent.
Khushi's heart was beating frantically against her chest, beads of sweat forming along her brow as she searched for him, worry marking her young face, a face that had aged in experience of the world greatly within the space of a few short weeks.
She flinched back, avoiding a collision with a pair of young children chasing eachother with colour smeared all over their skin and clothes. She would have acted the same only a month ago, letting the raw fire and passion that withheld her soul to show and spark throughout the world as she celebrated another day. She had never needed a reason to be happy, she always had been back then.
Much had changed about her recently. She no longer looked on at the world with a sense of optimism and hope. Although she retained her love and care, knowing that those were pieces of herself that she would never be able to give up, she had taken up to understanding that there was bad in the world.
There was evil and bad, there was sadness and hopelessness, there was cruelty and hate. Sometimes, all in the person that you loved.
Thinking of him she looked over the heads of everyone in the large space, the green damp grass moistening at her feet in her flats. The sun dropped slightly lower as she continued looking. She mumbled under her breath at all the people that Anjali had invited. She had wanted the Raizada's to celebrate Holi in all its festivity and flare. She had thought the family needed it after what Arnav and Khushi had done.
Her immaculate white clothes with a slim gold border stood out amongst the colours, unscathed and unharmed. Pureness in all that it could be. But her mind did not feel calm and pure, her mind was racing, her breathing becoming more and more irregular as she felt the air leave her lungs with every second she couldn't see him.
Until recently, she had always wanted him away from her.
Whether it was because he would torture her with his words or vice grip when they had first met, or because she found herself strangely attracted to him, and then very affected by his presence. She had wanted him far away when he had suddenly changed into the caring and wonderful person she had dreamed he would become, because her feelings scared her. She had wanted him away when he had married her, torn her life apart, burned her, scarred her.
But right now, she wanted nothing more than to find him.
The panic began to set in, and she pushed away at the fast moving figures as they got in her way. Her tears were stinging her eyes, threatening to fall, but she pushed them away. She was stronger than they were.
She needed to find him.
"Are you sure Aman?" he asked, voice breaking, into his earset, a cold wave of dread starting to creep up on him.
What had he done?
"Yes sir, I checked once and even confirmed again, everything he is saying is true"
Arnav threw his earset away without even bothering to say anything back to his assistant.
He had never felt so much regret before in his life. He felt his heart shut off and lock itself away, for fear of breaking into a thousand different pieces. He felt as though someone was flinging shards of glass away at his chest, tearing through his flesh.
Everything he had put her through, everything that he had ruined her life for. All of it had been a lie.
He was angry at Shyam for deceiving him. For taking advantage of his intense care for his sister and his loss of control when he was angry. But more than anything he was angry at himself. Angry at himself for not trusting her, for thinking that she had deceived him, when in reality, it was him who had burned down their love.
He wanted it all to numb out so he could just stop feeling, because the guilt of everything he had done was enough to kill him.
The one person who loved him, the one person who he had loved, was the one person he had torn to shreds. He had taken advantage of her innocence, and of her trust.
He had treated her like a monster. Relentlessly watching the silent tears, showing her nothing but hate in return for everything she had sacrificed for him.
He had tainted her purity. He had marred her beauty. All for his own purpose.
He did not know he could be that selfish.
He was a monster.
He felt scorching tear tracks down his cheeks as everything before him blurred. He remembered how she had looked when he had first told her he would marry her. Disbelieving, praying for the ray of love she had seen that he had hidden away. He saw the pain in her eyes again when he had broken everything that mattered to her in the world, when he had smudged red on her forehead.
The emotions that had played across her pretty face when they had confronted their family together for his sins. The fear for his actions, the guilt for his wrongs, the pain for his mistakes.
Today, because of what I have done, I am an orphan again.
That day, because of what he had done, he had orphaned her again.
Snatched away everything that was dear to her. Ripped her precious heart out of her chest, left her bleeding and dying all on her own, because he could.
He walked in a trance through the many people in the large garden behind his house, not even registering the happy faces around him, as he tried to remember her smile.
It scared him more than he could put into words, when he realised he couldn't.
Her breathing sounded loud against her ears as she gulped and choked down on the humid air around her that was compressing her fragile lungs.
Shyam had found her earlier. He had confronted her about her mistakes. He said that he would forgive her for what she had done. He said that he would accept her despite the fact that she was married, that she shouldn't worry, that he would fix it all. She had pushed him away, wildly attacking him for his outburst yet again when Anjali had walked him, forcing her to walk away.
It wasn't until a few hours later when she had watched him sneak a dark metallic shape under his sleeve from afar, before slipping out into the garden, that she had realised what he had meant.
She had taken Shyams threats silently, but this? This she would never allow.
She knew what Shyam was going to do, and she would fight with every ounce of her being to stop him. So she had headed out in a rush towards the garden, to find the very person, she had been avoiding since the morning.
"Please, Please Devi Maiya, don't let anything happen to him"
She stopped for a second, closing her eyes, taking a deep breath to try and calm herself. Circling around the garden through the flying colours would do no one any good. She needed to not freak out. She needed to find him.
Her eyes flew open when she felt him, and there he was. Clad in a dark suit, standing out ferociously against the white and colourful fabric everywhere else around her. Her heart jumped, thudding dangerously against her chest as she leaped towards him, running the distance between them.
He wasn't paying attention to anything, which is why he hadn't seen Shyam off in the near distance, with a gun pointed straight at his upperbody.
But she did. It was real, it was all happening in front of her. She never would have imagined Shyam going this far. It stopped her from breathing as she took in a sharp gasp, her soul dancing on the edges of sanity as she tried not to think of what would happen if he let his finger slip.
She looked away, not watching Shyam. She knew it would scare her. Instead, she looked into Arnavs lost eyes.
She looked into the deep almond depths that had once held her heart with all the care the world had to offer, even if it had just been for the briefest of moments. She took in his handsome face, a face that she would still give anything to see smile.
She fought the urge to close her eyes from fear as she reached him, thrusting her small hands against his chest, heavily shoving him out of the way, thinking...
For Him, A thousand times over.
A thousand times falling off the ramp that dropped her straight in to his arms for the first time.
A thousand times she would live through every moment of hate and nerves and care and love.
A thousand times every tear she would let fall from her eyes for all the pain and sadness he had caused.
A thousand times she would let her heart fall endlessly in love with him, even through knowing he may never feel the same.
A thousand times she would run into his arms, and give her life up to save him.
For you Arnav, A thousand times over.
Shyam aimed at Arnav, letting his finger pull against the trigger, too late to stop when he found Khushi now in the exact spot his brother in law had stood seconds ago. Too late to take it all back as he stepped over the point of no return. It's what they say right, it is one of life's biggest tragedy's, that you get old too soon, and wise, always too late.
Arnav heard the shot ring through the air, leaving him deaf for a moment. But it was her touch that had brought him out of his reverie just instants before. She looked at him with nothing but love, an angel from the heavens that had been sent to him, an angel that he did not deserve. But she was here, she was with him.
He smiled at her in that one instant, before the deafness took over, and his world fell apart before his eyes.
I hope you all liked reading it and sorry for leaving you at a really horrible point, but I just felt like writing something like this ! Please do leave likes and comments! Love, Hayley